Monday, July 11, 2011

A week long 'vacation' and a new toy

K passed into grade 5 next year, out of 19 marks he got 13 B's and only 6 C's which is amazing for him and we are all so proud of him.  He has been wanting an iPod touch for quite a long time now (almost a year) and had been saving up his money and had got to $100 on his own.  So my parents told him that they would pay for the rest of the iPod since he did so well saving his money and so well in school (and  Karate - he is now a green belt!!!) and I told him that I would pay for his first iTunes card and to put an extended warant on it.  He got his on June 30th.  I had some troubles getting it all set up and working because of the strong protection I have on our WiFi network and the fact that we never knew that you had to have either an iTunes card or a credit card on file to set up an account.  Got those figured out though and that evening he was able to play it.  We kept looking for free games for him but as it was getting late, I had him write down 10 games that he wanted and I would work on downloading them as he had to go to bed. 

Well I downloaded those games and then went searching in the App Store to see what else there was.  After a lot of looking and drooling over Apps and songs that I would love to have, on July 2nd I went in to town and bought myself an iPod as well (July 1st was Canada day so all the stores were closed).  I have already downloaded a few CD's, a bunch of games, a bunch of really cool medical type applications and lots more :)  So K and I have both been pretty much glued to our iPod's the last few weeks.

As for the 'vacation', it was really only my mom, K and I going up to visit my grandmother and some other family.  My one cousin has some serious issues that she needs to work out for herself as she is really getting not only herself, but the entire family up there, into problems and just way too much drama.  My grandmother is so stressed out that we are all worried that the issues that my cousin is going through is going to end up giving my grandmother another heartattack or other serious health complication.  And of course somehow I got roped into the drama and feeling so guilty myself and feeling so horrible that something I did innocently caused a big scene and a lot of yelling and crying.

As a bit of a back story, one of my cousin's has two children, both boys: D1 is 13 (he has ADHD and is on medications because of this) and D2 is 10.  While I was growing up we always played this one game of cards (not sure where it came from as I have heard no one else that has played any type or version of this game) basically on most nights the entire family is together.  We got out of that as my generation got older and while K's generation was too young.  Well D1 loves to play games and had been asking relentlessly for a few days to play a game of cards.  I managed to get my mom to agree to play (more on that part later) and she was too 'tired' but myself, K, D1, D2 and their mom all sat down to play this game.  We were playing cards while 'America's Got Talent' was on and I gave up watching the show to play the card game

We hadn't all even sat down yet when D1 said he would be right back.  He comes back to the house with a drumstick and some chips and sat back down to play cards.  I wasn't too pleased about this as I had been telling K that if he wanted some of the taffy I bought him, and the boys were around, he would have to offer to share his candy.  To be telling him this and then to have D1 bring over not one, but two treats didn't leave me too impressed.  After that something else came up with him running home to get his own pennies (we 'gamble' with pennies in the game) instead of just using some of his moms.  A few times while we were playing I had to ask Kyler to pay attention to the game instead of watching the show and asked D1 and D2 a few times as well.  I had got up to get myself some Doritos and D1 was again relentless in asking for some.  I pointed out that he had already had some of his own but then gave in and told him that when I opened the bag I would give him some.  I had just opened the bag and it was my turn to shuffle and deal.  While doing this he asks again for chips and I asked him if it looked like I was busy doing something (yes) and that maybe he should wait until I am not busy to ask.  After I was done dealing I poured him a bowl of chips.  After a good half hour or so of having to repeatidly ask D1 to pay attention to the game I finally said "D1 are you playing this game or watching TV, you can not do both" and he mumbled and got back to the game.  We finished up shortly after and all just kept our 'winnings' out so we could play the next day.  I thought it was a good night and had enjoyed playing a game with the kids.

About 30 minutes after they all left (My nan and both of my cousins and their familes all live in the same small townhouse complex that is maybe half a block big in total, so it takes about 30 seconds to get from one place to the other) Kyler and I were cuddling on the couch and watching the news (this was while William and Catherine were in Canada and my nan was just fixed on the news).  Nan answers it and then tells me that the phone is for me.  I answer it and it is D1 informing me that I had really hurt him and that K isn't the only one with a disability, he has one too and can't focus on things and it wasn't fair to call him out and on and on about how hurt he was and his disability.  I calmly told him that he had been bugging us for 2 hours to play the game, we agreed to play it because of him and that I didn't yell at him or get mad at him I simply asked him to choose between watching the television show or playing the card game.  He mumbled okay and hung up.  That really pissed me off and got me very upset.  I was crying at the time while telling nan and mom what happened and then got really mad because out of everyone in that family, I have been the one to show him the most respect and patience that last few days and didn't appreciate that and I got up and went to my room and shut the door.  That's when it all went crazy.

Nan was upset because I was upset and then his mom called saying that she had told him not to call and to just talk with me in the morning but that D1 took the phone and ran off to call me.  Then nan made the mistake by saying that she was embarassed because of the behaviour and it being around mom and me.  Well that then set my cousin off as to oh they are embarasements now and just on and on. Nan talked to my cousin and D1 and then my cousin hung up.  Mom then called to talk to my cousin and said basically that she was sitting right there and heard the entire thing and no one was yelled at but yes I asked D1 to pick one thing to focus on and that he has been asked many times.  Mom then goes on to tell her that we have been watching the show since it came on and that I would have really liked to see what was happening but I chose to play cards with the kids.  My cousin and my mom talked breifly and hung up and then D1 called back to talk to nan and then nan basically snapped and said 'She has a disability too (D1 saying that I don't) yes she does, and a lot worse of one than you have, did you ever think of that?' and then he was told that there would be no more phone calls that night and surprisingly they listened to it.  As a side note I should say that my bedroom up there, the window looks right across the small parking lot (3 card lengths total between doors) and I could hear a LOT of screaming going on during the time of these phone calls as well as after.

Nan was upset at all this but mom held her ground surprisingly.  She told my nan that I had spent many hours alone those few days talking with D1 and that I always showed him respect.  She said she was upset about it as well because it upset me and I don't take those situations easily with my health problems.  She went on that the part that no one was saying was the worst part.  D1 is a child and I am an adult and under no situation at all should a child talk to an adult like that.  That D1 honestly has no respect for adults and should never been allowed to say anything along that line what-so-ever.  However the next day was, in a way, worse.  D1 apologized to me and gave me a hug and I told him that he had really hurt my feelings and that I probably wouldn't be playing games with him for a while.  My cousin however never emerged the next day at all.  When the kids came over they told nan she was in bed.  We sent the kids home for supper as mom was taking nan, K and I out for her birthday supper and my nan sent food over for the kids to eat for supper.  She later called around 8:30 and talked to mom breifly to say that she probably wouldn't see us before we left the next day and that she was going to go to bed now as she wasn't feeling well.  However, D1 later told me (not knowing what his mom had told my mom) that she was up watching TV that night. 

We didn't leave the city until almost 11am and still there was no sight of her at all.  That was really worrying my mom and I as we both caught glimpses of how she was when she was taking opiods.  She was really shouting in her talking, just really loud, she was slurring her words a lot, anytime we heard from her it was she 'was going to lie down for a bit' or 'I have to go have a nap' or 'im going to bed early' which when she was really deep in her addiction you never saw her out of bed.  She was also slightly paranoid and just really off.  It scares us because she has no motivation at all to get off of methadone and until she realizes that she is on the med for drug abuse and not for pain control, nothing is going to change.  Mom and I both sensed that she is back on some other drug again or has managed to get her methadone doseage increased, either way not a good thing at all.  She thinks we are all attacking her but all we want her to do is to get some serious help and get better before she does serious harm to her children (they are already showing signs of mental problems involving their mom).