Starting to get depressed..

I know it has been a while, yet again, since I posted.  Last week my family went away to a gorgeous cottage about 3 hours north of us and it was a very nice, quiet and pretty relaxing vacation.  Until wednesday...  Anyways I will write about that a little later (I wrote up a 'diary' of each day we were away and will get posted up here as soon as I get it off of my iPod Touch).  The main thing right now though is I can feel myself starting to get depressed again but there is nothing I can really do.  There are a few reasons for feeling like this:

1) After a couple of months in limbo waiting to see when my rheumatologist would be coming back from his absence, we read in the paper just before we went away that he was in fact retiring and that we had until August 5th to contact the office about getting copies of your files.  I really honestly have absolutely no clue what to do about all this.  This is the ONLY doctor that actually appears to give a crap about my quality of life and not just into drugging me up.  He is the one that has listened to me, done all my referals, order all my tests, given me all my cortisone in my shoulder.  The only one who has done anything really productive in my health and actually understands the concept of preventative medicine before we have a major problem.  This comes when we were in the middle of a lot of different ongoing issues - my knee and the OS's at the clinic not wanting to operate and claiming my knee is stable (the dislocation last week says otherwise), the strong feeling that something autoimmune was going on (which now I have blood tests to show that he was right but can't go over them with him), the ongoing shoulder issue, the osteoporosis and wrist injuries issue and just keeping up on new treatments and medications and keeping my life having some quality to it.  He is (was) the only rheumy in my town, the best in the next town (1 hour drive) already told me she wouldn't take me way back when I was diagnosed and my parents don't want to drive the 4+ hours to the other medically large towns.  My GP just doesn't get EDS so that isnt an option either so it's going to be a lot of trial and error until we find a doctor that will a) take me as a patient, b) listen to me and treat me as an equal in knowledge on EDS c) willing to keep up to date on all things EDS, d) willing to try things to make things better and e) interested enough to have me as a full time patient in many different areas.  Which leads me to:

2) When am I going to get something medically to help me?  My right knee is messed up even though the knee clinic deemed it stable and not needing surgery yet I am still in considerable pain and not able to fully use the knee.  Having to baby it or end up in severe pain.  At the cottage last week I had to be driven to the beach even though it was only a 5 - 10 minute walk from our cottage as my knee just wouldn't make it.  Right now my entire left arm is in trouble.  I made a grab to catch a big beach umbrella / sun shade and managed to hurt the fingers, thumb and wrist initially but am up to the shoulder even being in bad enough pain to take a breakthrough med because.  My left ankle just gets weaker and weaker as the days go by and I am seriously considering asking for cortisone in my hips.  So many things that I would love to get fixed, through surgery, procedures or whatever but there are no doctor's willing to even attempt this as they will most likely not succeed 100% so they don't want that on their record.  Even if I had a 50-50 chance of improvement in some areas, I am willing to risk it at this point.  It is so heartbreaking to read of all these people going in for surgery, or having a doctor suggest a procedure etc knowing that there is no doctor that I have found that will do a damn for me.

I am just getting so sick of going to new doctor after new doctor only for those doctors to declare I am too risky and they don't want to try something because it could make it worse.  I am sick of the doctor game and am being thrown right back into it at this point when I just don't want to do it anymore.  I don't even know what to do anymore.