Conversation with Brother

It is no secret that my brother and I do not get along, and that that would also be a gross understatement.  I would be perfectly happy if he just disappeard and have no use for him.  I don't like being around him and the stress of him just being in the house sends my autonomic issues spiraling.  Which made this breif conversation so upsetting and almost threatened.

He comes down stairs and looks in my doorway to my room (I have to leave the door open so my dog can get in and out as he pleases, otherwise the door would be shut when he is here).  He asks me if he can ask a favour and I ask what and he asks me if I can keep my pain killers downstairs and in my room.  I tell him I can't and won't because.  He asks why and I tell him that I am not going to go up and down a flight of stairs if I need a pain killer as I am upstairs most of the time I would take them.  He then goes "I'm just saying" and left.  Made me to feel that if / when he goes back to taking drugs it would be my fault because I taunted him with them and made them available.  He comes back and asks me to at least hide them better.  I told him that the only way he would know where they are is if he went looking for them.  He replies that they are on the top of the fridge and that 'hide them better, they are right there, the demerol is right there'.  Again I state that there are many bottles on top of the fridge as mom and dad keep theirs up there as well and that to know right where they are, one would have to be looking for them.  He then left.

I am sorry, I am not going to hide away my pills just because a known drug addict (who has stolen my pain medications twice before - that I know of) who is clean comes to the house for a few hours a week.  I have never touched my pain killers upstairs if he is in the house.  He knows that they are in the house so maybe he shouldnt' have been looking so hard at the containers that were on top of the fridge.  It just really pissed me off and left me in a bad way.  I was so nauseated the rest of that night and shakey and 'weak' felling becaue of the stress of that conversations.  Surprisngly though my mom hasn't mentioned anything so either for once in his life he didn't whine to mommy or mom told him the same things that I told him.

For the record - I keep maybe 5, maximum 10, breakthrough pain meds upstairs in case I need them.  I also keep count of them and feel that following this conversation, I need to really make sure and keep an accurate count of them, at least count them on saturdays and again on sundays when he leaves.